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of the ADD
humour category items on my blog Adult
ADD Strengths. Or my Stress
Relief articles and websites page
This came from De Anza College. Used with permission.
Although
the De Anza Health Office long been an advocate of stress
management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common
complaints of students, faculty, and staff alike. On account
of this, we have come to the following conclusion:
YOU ALL WANT TO STAY STRESSED!
The
following provides you with a few reasons why.
STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT.
Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard, and therefore,
is probably doing something very crucial.
IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY.
Anyone as busy as you are certainly can't be expected to form
emotional attachments to anyone. And let's face it, you're
not much fun to be around anyway.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES.
Obviously you're too stressed to be given any more work. This
gets you off the hook for all the mundane chores; let someone
else take care of them.
IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH.
Stress
might be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself
a "hit" anytime you choose.
But be careful, you might get addicted to your own adrenaline.
IT
HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS.
Why
risk being "successful" when by simply staying stressed
you can avoid all of that? Stress can keep your performance
level low enough that success won't ever be a threat.
STRESS ALSO LETS YOU KEEP YOUR AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE.
The authoritarian style of "Just do what I say!"
is generally permissible under crisis conditions. If you maintain
a permanently stressed crisis atmosphere, you can justify
an authoritarian style all the time.
Are you worried now about how to stay stressed?
You'll
have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven
methods:
NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be
spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse
your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.
GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over
your recommended weight.
TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine,
nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just
fine.
AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES. Ignore the evidence suggesting
that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging
help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for
everyone, Protestant or not.
When
The Body Says No Understanding the Stress Disease Connection
Dr. Gabor Mate
GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that
concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and
you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to
be your friend, avoid them.
PERSONALIZE
ALL CRITICISM.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog,
house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time
to listen, be offended, then
return the attack!
THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be
treated as one.
MALES
AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do
it yourself!
BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work
home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations
are for sissies.
DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly
get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
PROCRASTINATE.
Putting
things off to the last second always produces a marvelous
amount of stress.
WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching
Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS
...and
either beat yourself up, or ... feel guilty, depressed,
discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them."
How
to start De-stressing
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